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If you’re anything like me, and live in a place like Austin, you’ve noticed that things are about to slow down for Thanksgiving. Already, traffic is lighter, emails and phone calls are starting to trickle, and there are fewer bodies fighting for seats at the bars. It seems that everyone is traveling and taking some time off to be with their families.

Presumably, the logic goes, everyone is going out of town, and that’s why it’s so not busy where you’re at.

Right?

Okay, so think about that. If everyone is traveling (and yes, not everyone is traveling, but lots and lots and lots of us are) to be with family, then presumably, there’s got to be a place in America that is just jam-packed with narcoleptic Uncle Dave’s, smelly Grandma Sallies, lots of screaming kids, nervous/overwrought mothers with their beloved turkeys, and enough familial ill will to power the nation for a week.

I mean, those people aren’t here, with me, so where are they?

Do you see where I’m going with this? I mean, there can’t be some kind of “Thanksgiving Town” where everyone goes to enjoy the tryptophan.

Does this make sense to anyone else, or am I just…touched?

Don’t answer that.

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